Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize