i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
