Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
