I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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