no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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