I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize