Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
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yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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