great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
