do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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