Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
