you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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