everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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