I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
