my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
