you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
