You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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