Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
