I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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