You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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