I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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