I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
