I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
