I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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