I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
