I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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