shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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