I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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