You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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