Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
