I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
