my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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