Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
