hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My ass is underappreciated
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
