Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
