I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
