i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
