you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
