ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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