just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
