if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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