Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just found puke in my bra..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
