did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
zippers are such a cool invention
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
