Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
