I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
