His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
there is puke in my bra ... again
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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