i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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