chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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