so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
