I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
