I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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