Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
