Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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