Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
