I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
