he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
