last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
