I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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