I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
