He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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