well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
