A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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