If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
