i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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