I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
