I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
