i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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