Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
