Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
