I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
