She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
