I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
