i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
