Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
