She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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