Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
