he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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