So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
