Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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