Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize