i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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