Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
