shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
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I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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