so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
