Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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