Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
