Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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